i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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