Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
