I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
