I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize