i don't like sucking hair
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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