real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
