I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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