we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
