The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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