Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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