I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
