Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You can't special order awesome
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
