Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
