You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
