Having a random hookup so left but love u
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
