Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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