the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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