Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
