OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
