I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
