I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
