I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
