Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
