Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
