We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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