If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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