remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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