I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize