there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
