I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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