they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
