addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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