Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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