i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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