Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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