I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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