Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
