It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
