maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
