He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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