He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
