why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
