Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
