he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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