Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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