No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
