i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
