anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
