hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
