I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
