I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
