tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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