Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
