he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
