I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
