why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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