i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
