So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She said her name was "party"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
