I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
