kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
