New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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