I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize