theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.