wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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